Cartman Kenny Stan and Kyle's Day off
by Cartman 91
Summary: The Boys skip school in this parody of Ferris Bueler's day Off


Chapter 1

The Boys all gathered around a phone

Cartman (in a manly voice): Hello This is Eric Cartman's Father

Stan Interupts: Dude you don't have a dad

Kyle: Yeh he does his mom is a hermaphrosite and has a penis and a vagina so that for makes her his dad

They all start laughing

Kenny: You have to sound like your mom Cartman

Cartman: I mean this is Eric Cartman's Mother, He is very sick and can't make it to school

Voice On Phone: M'kay, Well are you aware that your son has been absent 9 times in the last ... 9 days

Cartman: Yes I'm very well aware of that, Eric is a sick boy M'kay

Voice On Phone; M'kay

Boys Walking Down The Street

Cartman: Where to now boys

Kyle: Guys I think we should head back I mean skipping school were looking at 2 weeks grounded maybe 3.

Cartman: Don't be such a pussy Jew

Kyle: Shut up Cartman! Plus I got to do my religion assignment on The Right Religion.

Cartman: Here's your answer any religion except for those poeple who believe in buda

Stan: cartman your such an asshle

Cartman: No I'm serious they always blame there problems on Buda and pray to him. I saw A Biography on it yesterday it went like this

Man Bleeding to death On Phone: You have to help me I've been stabbed send an ambulance

911 Operator: Alright We'll Pray to Buda and Achmed for you, your safe now

Man: What the hell... Then Drops Dead

Stan: Wow that is the most racist thing I've ever heard

Officer Barbrady: Hey aren't you boys supposed to be in school?

Stan: No todays a holiday noone works or go to school

Officer Barbrady: Alright then Carry On

The Boys are gone and Officer Barbrady's by himself

Barbrady: If no ones working then why am i ... aww those bastards tricked me

Chapter 2

The Boys are in a restaurant sitting at a table

Kyle: Oh god I'm so hungry

Cartman: Would you like some Joo Jubes Jew

Kyle: God Damnit Cartman

Stan: Hey guys I have a plan to get us a free meal

The Boys Hurdle up and whisper

Cartman walks up to the owner of the restaurant

Cartman: Hey sir I'm Brett Hamilton, the biggest Fur Dealer in South Park

Owner: Your Brett Hamilton? I pictured him a lot older and not as fat, Just leave and get out of sight

Cartman Whispering: Lucky i don't cut you up and put you in chili adn serve it to people

Cartman Goes To The Washroom

The Phone rings and the owner picks it up

Owner: Hello

Stan: Hi I'm looking for Brett Hamilton the biggest Fur Dealer in South Park

Owner: Can you describe to me how he looks

Stan: Blue Hat Red Shirt and really fat like really fat

Owner: Uh oh

Cartman walks by

Owner: Excuse me Brett hamilton

Cartman: Yes

Owner: My apologies you and your friends have a complimentary free meal

Cartman: Sweet

Chapter 3

The 4 Boys walking out of The Restaurant

Kyle: Oh Man I'm Stuffed

Stan: Dude I think we all are

Cartman: I'm not I can go for some more food

Kenny: Cartman your never full Blubber Nuts

Cartman: He Kyle your favourite place to eat a bagle bakery you stupid Jew

Kyle Whispering to Stan: Dude I'm just going to ignore him maybe he'l learn something today.

Tweek Runs right past them

Stan: hey Tweek why aren't you in school

Tweek: Everyone is out of school we're looking for four missing boys, Awww I forget their names to much pressure. Runs Off

Stan: Oh sht dude

Cartman singing: They're never going to catch us so I'm putting on a smile

StanSinging: But all our parents are going to think we got raped by a pedophile

Kyle Singing: But now the whole school is all looking for us

Cartman: But now we don't have to look at that smelly Mexican who drives the bus

Kenny Singing: My parents are going to go look door to door

Cartman Singing: Kenny no one cares about you because your poor

Cartman Singing: there never going to catch us we've gone to far

Butters Singing: Hey Mr Mackey There they are

Cartman: Butters what the hell

Butters: Gee whiz you guys are in real trouble

Cartman: Butters your not ratting on us or We'll beat you up every day

Butetrs; You guys do beat me up every day

Cartman: Touché

Stan: I think we can come to an agreement. Buuters do you want a free meal

Butters: Do I Ever

Stan: Go into that restaurant there and say your Brett Hamilton the biggest fur dealer in South Park

Butters: Well alright then

Butters in the restaurant

Owner: Can I help you

Butters; yeh I'm Brett Hamilton the biggest fur dealer in South Park and I want a gosh darn free meal

Owner: A ha! The Real Brett Hamilton was in here an hour a go he was really fat, like really fat, not Oprah Fat like Chris Farley Fat!

Butters: Son of a bee sting

Owner Grabbing Butters out of the restaurant

Owner: Sir do you know this boy

Mr. Mackey: Why yes I do, we are out looking for four young boys

Owner: Well this young man tried stealing from my store

Mr. Mackey: Butters, I'm calling your parents and suspending you from school.

Butters: Aww Hamburgers

Chapter 4

Cartman: Hey Stan didn't your dad get a brand new Mustang

Stan: Dude no, I know what your thinking and the answer is no

Kenny: You guys can use my car

Cartman: Kenny your car is cardboard with skateboard wheels on it

Kyle: Hey lets go to the Baseball Game, the Coys vs. The Yankess

Cartman yeh sweet that's totally tits

The Boys at the game

Cartman: Swing batter batter miss you suck batter batter miss

The Ball flies in the stands

Stan: Dude I caught it yehahahahah

Mr. Makey watching the game at a bar

Mackey: I'm damn well going tio catch those kids if its the last thing I do. Looks at the T.v and just misses the boys on the T.v

Mr.Mackey: Whats the score

Bartender: 1-1

Mr. Mackey: For who?

Bartender:... The Cows

Shelly on the phone

Shelly: Mom Stans's missing everyone's looking for him

Sharron: That's impossible Stan's terribly sick at home

Shelly: I'm gonna get to the bottom of this

The boys walking on the street

Cartman: Let's rent a movie

Kenny: But we don't have any money

Cartman: I Bet you say that a lot right Kenny? Hey there's Butters! Oh my God I got a plan

Cartman: Hey Butters just the man I was looking for

Butters: Gee Whiz Fellas I'm in Double Dutch trouble right now, I'm suspended because of that stunt I pulled.

Cartman: Wanna go mug somebody Butters, It'l be fun

Butters: No way but I'l watch if you guys do it

Cartman: alright watch

There's a kid walking down the street

Cartman: Excuse me do you have a quarter

Kid: Yeh 1 second

The Boys all mug him and kick the crap out of him as Butetrs watches in awe

The boys drag him into the Bush

Cartman: Don't worry Chris I'l pay you the 10 Bucks tomorrow

Chris: You better

They throw him into a bush

Cartman: See Butetrs we just mugged and killed a random person and we got 10 bucks

Butters: Wow I guess I'l do that and keep the money and give it to my parents for an apology

Butters walks up to big black guy

Butters: Excuse me do you perhaps by any chance have a quarter

Black Guy: Yeh one sec

Butters grabs his wallet and runs

The Guy catches up to him and punches him in the face

The wallet falls down

Cartman Slowly gets the wallet then runs

The black guy kepps on Punching Butters, Then pins him downs and stomps on his head.

The Wallet Falls out of Butters hands

Cartman Slowly picks it up then runs away

Cartman: Sweet now we can rent a movie and we ahve 50 bucks for snacks

Kyle: What movies hsould we get

Stan: Anything except Baseketball, Team America, orgazmo and Cannibal The Musical, Those movies suck ass

Kenny: I don't even know how those count as movies

Butters at the police Station

Butters: Aw Fiddlesticks I'm going to be in triple Dutch when my dad comes

Butters dad walks in

Butters: Aw Shucks hey dad

Mr. Stotch: Don't hey dad me you little sht, your in huge trouble, First you get suspended for stealing then arrested for tryign to mug someone, Are you on Drugs?

Butters: No sir

Mr. Stotch: You btter not be, Now you march your ass down to the church and your confessing all your sins, Then your grounded for a month Mister

Butters walks toward shis dad and weed falls out his pocket

Butters dad's jaw drops

Cartman walking down the street with the boys

Cartman: Hey i wonder If Butetrs dad founf the weed in his pocket, I found that stuff in my mom's room

Kyle: She probably got it from being a crack whore and selling her body like a smelly pirate hooker

Cartman Whispering:one day your breed will all be exterminated

Chapter 5

Butters Family In The Church

Mr. Stotch: The Power of Christ Compells You Throws Holy Water

Butters: Dad is that really necessary, I didn't do anything that bad

Mr. Stotch: Not bad not bad, Stealing from stores not bad, Mugging someone not bad, Carrying an illegal drug not bad?

Butters: You make it sound a lot worse then it actually is

Mr. Stotch: You just don't quite seem to get it Mister, The Power f Christ Compells you Throws Holy Water

Shelly walking into her house

Shelly: Maybe he didn't skip, maybe he is home sick, aww why do I even care, even though he gets away with everything that stupid turd

opens Stans Door Slowly

You see someone turn over

Shelly Opens the door quick then a dummy pops up

Shelly: I knew that turd was skipping wait till I tell Mom about this

Mr. Mackey pulling up to Stans House

Mr. Mackey: I'm going to bust those boys for once and for all, These boys have been embarassing me for years, It's my turn now

Rings doorbell

Voice Of Stan: Sorry I can't make it to the door right now I'm terribly sick whisper Cartman shut up, Yeh I have a cold and i don't want you to catch it, Whispers yeh i told him I was sick fat ass

Mr. Mackey: there's something fishy about this

Rings again

Voice Of Stan:Sorry I can't make it to the door right now I'm terribly sick whisper Cartman shut up, Yeh I have a cold and i don't want you to catch it, Whispers yeh i told him I was sick fat ass

Mr. Mackey: Uh huh it was a voice message those sneaky bastards

opens door

Mr. mackey: I've got you now

Rurns Corner

Bumps into Shelly

They Both Scream: Aaaaahhhhh

Shelly: I'm calling the police turd

Mr. Makcey: Wait I'm Stans Guidance counsellor It's not what it looks like

Shelly kicks him in the nuts : Turd

The Cops Pull up

Shelly: This turd broke into my house

Mr. Mackey: I'm Stan's Guidance counsellor M'kay, I was just seieng if He was home then she assualted me

Police: Your coming with me mam

Shelly: But I didn't do anything Turd

The Boys walking down the street

Cartman: i got a bulletproof plan to get us out of trouble

Stan:what is it

Cartman: I'l tell you guys later, First let's do one last thing

Kyle: What

Cartman: Let's take Stan's dad's Mustang Out for a joy ride

Stan: no way dude

Cartman: it will be the perfect way to end off this day

Stan: oh alright If it'l shut you up

The Boys in the Car

Cartman: All aboard

Pulls out of a Driveway into the curb and dents it

Stan: Oh-My-God

Kenny: You drive like an asian

Cartman Speeding quick, A boy is rollerblading infront

Cartman Honks, Cartman Honks again

Cartman Runs him over

Stan: What the hell

Cartman: he wouldn't move

Cartman Going for a huge jump

Stan: No God Please No

Cartman Hits it and thye get 30 feet of air

Cartman: Bail

They all jump out

Stan: Oh no My dad's going to kill me

Cartman: Don't worry It's part of the plan

Chapter 6

The Boys all Dirty and Bruised up from Bailing out the car

Stan: Cartman just tell me the god damn plan

Cartman: Here's a plan shut the hell up

Stan: God dmanit I hate Cartman

Cartman: Hurry we got to get to school

Kyle: What then we'l get busted

Cartman: Trust me on this one guys we won't

Shelly In The Police Station

Guy beside her: Hey I'm Ryan what did you get busted for

Shelly: None of your business turd

Ryan: Me I was caught with drugs again, So are you a regular here

Shelly: What part of shut up turd don't you get

Ryan: oh I see how it is play hard to get

Shelly: if you want to know so bad I thought my brother was skipping so I went home then my stupid turd guidance counsellor was in my house and I thought he was a robber so I assaulted him

Ryan: Beauty, So why were you so mad your brother is skipping

Shelly pulls up her chair with a smile and talks to him about it

Mr. Mackey and everyone walking to school

Mackey: I guess they ran away or got kidnapped

Butters Dad Pulls in to the school

Mr. Stotch: Now you be a good boy Mister am I clear

Butters: yes sir

Butters: Mr. Mackey did you find they boys

Mr. Mackey: Know I'm afraid we did it

They all open the classroom door

You see the four boys all bruised and dirty laying against the wall

Mr.Mackey: Boys where were you we were looking all over for you

Cartman Out Of Breath: Butters, Butters did this

Butters: Huh

Cartman: We were walking to school when all of a sudden Butters beat us with bats. We were knocked out cold. We woke up when we woke up Butters was caught stealing from a restaurant, we were in the back seat of a car and were on drug that made us not being able to move. Then Butters started smoking weed and put the rest in his pocket. Then Butters Mugged a guy and got caught. Then he was with you. Then when his dad came to pick him up he kicked the crap out of his dad

Butters Dad Wakes up form in the corner

Mr. Stotch: Where am i, The last thing I remember was being beat with a bat

Cartman: Then Butters was going to come back to murder us so we couldn't tell anyone since he's a sick son of a bitch. Luckily we escaped. I'm so happy to make it out with my life after this one

Mr. Mackey: Damnit Butters your causing to much trouble. I'm sending you to a boarding school and expelling you from this school

Butters: Aww Fiddlesticks

Stan Whispering To Cartman: Do you not have a soul Cartman. Butters life is ruined now. He has to go to another school. And you also beta his dad with a baseball bat and his dad probably has brain damage

Cartman: I told you I had a Kick ass plan.

Stan: Dude I think there is somehting wrong with Cartman he crossed the line this time

Kyle: Definately

Cartman dancing and singing: Aww I love life 


End file.
